Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Top 10 Actors and Actresses Under 50

Christian Bale
Don Cheadle
Russell Crowe
Johnny Depp
Leonardo DiCaprio
Robert Downey, Jr.
Hugh Jackman
Ed Norton, Jr.
Viggo Mortensen
Phillip Seymour-Hoffman

Cate Blanchett
Helen Bonham-Carter
Jennifer Connelly
Penelope Cruz
Angelina Jolie
Julianne Moore
Natalie Portman
Hilary Swank
Charlize Theron
Kate Winslet

Top Five Best/Most Imporant Digits

1. Thumb
Clearly the consensus overall number one. No questions here, it what helps us grab stuff, separates us from animals, hit the space bar, sexting and texting, play video games, change the channel, play thumbwars, deal cards, throw a Frisbee, grab a football/baseball/basically any kind of ball, hitchhike, do the "guess who ____ ? THIS GUY" point to yourself thing, flip through a book or magazine and so much more.

2. Index/Pointer
This guy is self explanatory. His main functions are pointing, poking, directing and the like. Though he also can shoot guns, scratch effectively, dial a desk/home phone, turn on the blinker/wipers, click a mouse, pinch stuff (with help from the thumb) writing, twirling a whistle around your finger like a sweet and pick a nose.

3. Middle
Known for telling people how you really feel about them, touching rim for you short guys (since it's the longest) and for old people to point things out. I believe its the strongest non-thumb digit.

4./5. Big Toe/Little Toe
I'm 70-90% sure that if you lose one of these your sense of balance is screwed and you can't walk straight. That's a pretty important thing in my day-to-day activity so don't wanna live life without either of these little guys. Beyond that, uhh, I guess you need the big guy to wear thong flip flops and kick a ball effectively.

Honorable Mention
Good for pinkie swearing, making a rubberband gun with your hand, palming a basketball, coke nail, wearing a ring for gangsters and hitting the enter button.

Some of you use him right now to show everyone that you're married.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Red Sox, Knicks, RedHawks

Jack-O from the B.S. Report couldn't have said (or tweeted) it any better:
@jacko2323: Congratulations Red Sox fans, you've officially become everything you've always supposedly hated
I think the Red Sox are making some great moves. Though, if I were a Boston fan, I'd be a bit worried about Gonzo. He's played in the NL his whole life in one of the most forgettable baseball towns in the league, usually in the bottom half or third in attendance. Crawford you have to love/hate. The guy is a superstar and can drive in runs, and get on, around and in with his legs not to mention save runs by chasing down hits. I like Ellsbury at the top of the lineup more than Pedroia for them, but the early projections have it something like Pedroia-Crawford-Gonzo-Youkilis-Ortiz-Drew-Ellsbury-Scutaro-Saltalamacchia. Position by position, the Yankees still have the advantage at five positions and the Red Sox three, with catcher a complete mystery. This Boston team should be much better than last year, when they were ravaged by injuries, so I fully expect there to be two teams with near 100 wins in the AL East in 2011. Thanks for playing Tampa. There's not much left to say to the Yankees, except, let's go get Cliff Lee.

"Before the game, all i heard was, oh...this and that." In other words, after the Summer of LeBron, everyone was blowing the Heat and expecting them to run roughshod over the league and win 'ship after 'ship. Those same people said the Knicks were pathetic, throwing money at The Apostrophe with an injured past and inflated stats due to playing with Nash. The Avatar and LeCon signed in Miami and everyone forgot you need two other guys to make a starting five, plus that Bosh was a Abdur-Rhamimian player with good stats on a bad team. Let's compare the new additions' numbers through basically a George Washington's profile of the season.

Per Game Averages
Lebron James + Chris Bosh = 42 points, 13.4 rebounds, 9.2 assists, 2.2 steals and 1.2 blocks
A'mare Stoudemire + Raymond Felton = 44.4 points, 13 rebounds, 11.9 assists, 3 steals and 2.3 blocks

Advantage, Knicks.

BOLD STATEMENT: A'mare Stoudemire and Mike D'antoni are the greatest coach-player combination in the history of the category of both coach and player have apostrophes in their names.


The Miami RedHawks were 1-11 (1-7) last year. Over a dozen players quit the team or transferred at some point during the year including once-prized QB recruit Clay Belton. The team has gone 9-4 (8-1) en route to it's first MAC Championship since 2003 and it's first bowl since 2004.

I'll leave you with this inspirational video featuring the 2010 MAC Champions.