Friday, January 29, 2010

Break-Up Rules


Make a playlist
It's good to absorb the media out there that can comfort you and put your thoughts into words. Here's a handful of suggestions for you to get started: Welcome to Heartbreak (Kanye West), So Sick (Ne-Yo), Lost One (Jay-Z), Valentine's Day (Linkin Park), Nothing Left to Say but Goodbye (Audioslave), Lonely (Akon), Love and Memories (OAR), Nice to Know You (Incubus) and U Don't Have to Call [Remix] (Usher ft. Ludacris).

Get wasted
It's fine to go out one night (or two) and get sloppy with your buddies. It can take your mind off of her temporarily if you choose to hit the town. On the other hand, you can stay at home and invite some friends over to vent. This is great if you have trouble speaking freely or emoting in front of your boys, use the booze as an excuse for your tears. If you do go out, make sure you stay far away from bars you once frequented as a couple and the club she goes to on girls night. You're moving to a new phase in your life, so why not try out a new pub?

Some men are criers, some aren't. Neither one of these is right or wrong, it's up to each guy and his level of comfort in shedding tears. Your level of sadness is not defined by how sweaty your eyeballs get in the weeks following the break up. If you do cry, try not call people when you're whining, because no one really wants to talk to you when you're in that state.

Talk it out
Go ahead and call your best bud, or grab some coffee with your brother. It's healthy to let all the things you are feeling right now. You may be angry, you may be sad, confused, lost or any other combination of emotions. Pick someone close enough to you that knew enough about your relationship so you won't have to waste time going back over everything the two of you did together.

Veg out
If you're not a drinker, another option for you is throw in some DVDs or check out what's on HBO. Early on, feel free to watch some great break up movies to remind yourself that you are not the only person in the world who feels the way you do (The Break Up, Swingers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, High Fidelity). Once you move past that phase, go ahead and watch some manly movies that you wouldn't have been able to watch with her. Titles like Predator, Rocky, Snatch, Beerfest and The Departed are not very friendly to the fairer sex, so take advantage of your new found singledom and cue these up.

Hang out with the boys
You might have neglected your good friends over the past few months or years while you were spending time with her. If you haven't called them already to vent, give them a ring, apologize for falling off the face of the earth and make plans to get together. Check out a movie, play some pick up ball, go hiking, try something new. Just don't take up all their time and have their girlfriends get pissed off enough to put them in the same situation as you.

Change your style
Grow a beard, shave your beard. Get a 'break up' haircut, ladies do that all the time. It can be freeing and relieving to cut off some hair, especially if she liked it a little long. Did she beg you to wear khakis until you were hanging out at Banana Republic on weekends? Go nuts and throw on your favorite jeans – the ones with the holes in them that she wouldn't let you wear out of the house – and go buy a new shirt or two.


Blame yourself
Unless it really is your fault. The break up is probably more her doing than yours. Beating yourself up over this won't help you get better, it will only dig you deeper in the dumps. Remember, it takes two people to begin a relationship, but only one to end it.

Call her
If she's on your speed dial list, take her off. Deleting her number from your phone might help, even though you probably have it memorized. This ensures you won't see her name when you're scrolling down your address book looking for the pizza delivery number.

Try to get her back
Even if you think that's the only thing that will make you happy, don't do it. You may try to woo her back or reason with her, but it just plain won't work. This isn't a reasonable situation, so reason will not work in this case.

Get drunk every night
This can be a slippery slope into bigger problems. It's fine to go out and get ripped the first couple of weekends with the guys, but be careful. This is a sensitive time for you and it's very easy to lean on the bottle as a replacement for the leaning you used to do on your girlfriend.

Expect to get back with her
It probably won't happen, so don't hold out hope that you and your former love will one day be reunited. It may help you accept the separation in the short term, but it will only prove to extend the hurt as you try to move past it.

Call her friends
This is along the same lines as not calling her. If you want to hold out any hope of getting back with her, then don't be the guy who is calling her friends, checking in on her. Sure, you may have been tight with them if you dated her for a while, but they are more loyal to her and are not on 'your side' of the situation no matter what you think.

Throw everything out
It's fine to toss a few t-shirts or little trinkets she bought you in the trash, but don't go crazy. She got you an iPod last Christmas? Don't toss it. Bought your car per her suggestion? Do not put it on eBay. Moved into a loft because she liked it for you? Stay there. By getting rid of some of the major things she's purchased for you or advised you on, you are only going to create more problems for yourself.

Look at old pictures
Pictures say a thousand words, you're already whining about not being with her, either in your head or to your friends, so save the words and save the hurt. Flipping through a bunch of old pictures or videos is only going to prolong the pain your feeling. If you've got a screensaver full of photos, adjust the settings. If you've got framed pictures on the wall, take them down. There's nothing worse than seeing reminders of all the wonderful times you and her had over the years.

Forget there are people off worse than you
You've got your health. You've got a job (hopefully). Remember that there are billions of people in a worse place than you. There are hundreds of thousands of people dying every day in wars, because of starvation, thirst, cancer, AIDS. Pick yourself up, look in the mirror and tell yourself you'll be OK.

Remember that you are your own person and it is possible to grow and move forward from a painful situation like the one your currently embroiled in.

“The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things that make her not want to come back.” - Swingers

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Don't call it a comeback: The year of the Pelican

I have taken a very long hiatus - veeeerrry long!  I apologize for that, but my new years resolution is to post much more often and give my fellow meatball some help, his back must be killing him.  So I figured, what could be a better way to chime in the new year with a blog about the old one.  I'll first start with the title.  One of my many nicknames growing up was the pelican (it has to do with my last name).  The reason it was the year of the Pelican is because I have always wanted to have a year in sports like this past one, but just figured it was nearly impossible.  I basically hit the sports lottery. 

It starts on February 1, 2009 in Tampa, Florida.  An avid Steelers fan witnessed one of the best super bowls in history and I was glad to see my team come out on top.  Any football fan would appreciate that game.  The grand daddy of them all and it was a doozy.  Today, ESPN released what they called the greatest play in super bowl history and oh it was.  Pittsburgh dominated the first 28 minutes of the game, but Arizona was threatening to actually take a halftime lead when Captain Kurt etched himself on the wrong side of the greatest play in super bowl history.  Pittsburgh started the 2nd half the way they started the first - dominating, but like the first half Arizona found them selves less than 2 minutes away from their first super bowl.  Big Ben did what he did all year long and drove the team down the field before connecting with Santonio Holmes in the back of the end zone for what was the game winning TD.  Game Over.  Pittsburgh became Sixburgh.

Then on June 12, 2009 Pittsburgh got their second piece of the pie.  Arguably the best series in the NHL since the lockout Pittsburgh was down 3 games to 2 hosting game 6.  A year before that the Wings hoisted the cup on Pittsburgh's ice and Sid the Kid and company didn't let that happen.  No worries for Detroit fans, they were coming home for game 7.  The unsung hero was Maxime Talbot...who?  He scored 2 goals for the Penguins and Pittsburgh win 2-1.  The final minute of that game summarized the series.  Hard fought and crazy.  After Fluery's saves Pittsburgh now became the City of Champions in 2009.

Finally, what most have been waiting for.  You're probably wondering how I can like 2 teams from Pittsburgh, but not like the Pirates.  Well, my Grandpa was a die hard Yankee fan and that carried over to my pops and he passed it down to me.  So, I grew up a die hard Bombers fan (just ask the other meatball how big of a fan I was).  I bought the MLB package on Directv just for the pinstripes.  From the very beginning this entire season was awesome to watch.  The comeback kids in the beginning to a dominating force from the all-star break to the very end.  This team had it all - class, grit, fun, leadership, youth, power, speed - everything.  Throughout the entire post-season there was never really any doubt who was going to win the World Series.  The Yanks won every series relatively easily.  And, just like the regular season they displayed their combacks and closed the season out by flexing their muscles

2009 was a year to remember for me - I will never forget it.   I can now watch sports a little bit more relaxed!


Monday, January 25, 2010

I Feel Like this Blog is Beneath Me. I'm a Bartender, I Do, Like, You Know, Great Things.

True Love Way -Kings of Leon

America was clamoring for the Jersey Shore soundboard and Complex mag came through. Enjoy.

Last week's NFL picks bring my record to an inspiring 4-6. I can live with that after putting up an O-fer during Wildcard weekend.

New Feature--Every few weeks I'll put up an estimated percentage of the chance that the New York Knicks will sign LeBron James and/or another major free agent (in no particular order...Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, Joe Johnson, Amare Stoudemire, Yao Ming, Dirk Nowiztki, Kobe Bryant, Rudy Gay, Carlos Boozer). This week, I'll put it the 'bockers at a 38% chance to sign LeBron and a 99% chance to sign one of the aforementioned stars. Here's the potential savior of NYC rapping Forever.

More raps to come later this week as I've gotten good feedback. Also at the end of the week, I'll give you my break up rules.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

NFL Championship Picks

Wanted to get this up quick before I headed out.

Minnesota (+3.5) @ New Orleans
If you've ever read anything here, you know that I hate Brett Favre, so I can't pick him. NO's defense is better than you think. I like the Saints to head to Pro Player, uh Dolphins, I mean Joe Robbie, rather Landshark, well actually Sun Life Stadium.
Saints 27, Minnesota 21

New York Jets (+8) @ Indianapolis
I'll be in Indy soon, and you know wherever I go, I bring winning with me. The remarkable Jets run ends in Indy.
Colts 31, Jets 14

Friday, January 22, 2010

More Raps and a Fresh Video

Jumpoff Video of the Week (Above): Symphonies remix- Dan Black ft. Kid Cudi

TFLN of the week:
(Couldn't bre prouder of the area code!)
(614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

(614): We've got ourselves a situation

Babygame of the Week: You know you're at a historic level of BGness when a story's lead sentence is that you're NOT the hottest woman in the world. You're still in our top 5, Megan Fox.

Raps, Part II
After spending the better part of three hours trying to hang out with The Situation at Columbus' Lodge Bar, I heard 50 Cent's Baby by Me and called the Slevster with an idea for the remix..Have a Baby by me, baby, let's go on welfare. The same premise of the original, except completely opposite. Here are the first few lines we came up with:

Slev Daddy Dolla$:

Girl I’m feelin you yo hips and yo butt/ Girl lets go ta Great Clips ta get our hair cut/ If you hungry girl don’t worry bout it, I gotchu/ Just make sure ya orderin is off the dolla menu/ My girl tell her friends bout all the things I’m financin/ I just go down to check n go for tha pay day advancin Girl I know you impatient but not now don’t start/ Hell just last week I iced you up at K-Mart/ If it’s trips you want I’ll take ya any day/ We could jump on a Greyhound and be on our way/ Oh you wanna shoppin spree? I’ma give you an experience/ I heard at TJ Maxx girl they havin a spring clearance/ If you thinking that l’m lyin grab the keys follow me/ Butcha gotta spot me $5 cuz tha whip’s on E

Girl I'll take you to Fridays after I clip a coupon/ I aint paying full price, what type of sh** is you on?/ strictly French's ma, can't afford Grey Poupon/ so what I got hubbies on the car/ you're one to talk, met your ex hubby at the bar/ I got bad credit so I keep my money in a jar/ but I'll take some out and head to the dollar store/cop a GO-phone for cheap so I can Holla more/and I rock tall tees cuz what I need a collar for?/ on the weekend we can hit the golden coral buffet/ my whip's impounded so get on back of my huff-ay/ I ain't had a steady job since Diddy went by Puff-ay/ like 15 years ago when he was runnin with Biggie/ bought you some gucci knockoffs so you can stay jiggy/ baby call me Kermit, and you could be my Miss Piggy

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Battle Raps

Shortly after work yesterday, I was struck with a rhyming bug and shot a short rap over to friend of MITM, McMeatball aka Slevy. He hit me back and we went at it 5-6 times. It was too good not to post.

Jesse: Been spittin hotness since cats was rockin asics/drum beat and
fresh rhymes keepin things basic/me and slevy gonna shut down indy
just face it/plus your boy got more whips than a dominatrix

Kevin Masters: Gonna light conseco up like kobe at the gar-den...then
light up the strip like a colt named Mar-vin, its gonna be a party and
you know we go hard gonna be a lotta ruckus gonna need a body guard if
you see us at Kilroys come and sip a iced tea just know you goin home
with slevy and JG but the party don't stop when we hit the sheraton if
you got some friends then girl bring 'em we gotcha in tha
room gonna get to know you now turn around and get on board its a
train choo choo!!!

Jesse: Yeah we on the train, in NYC we call it Amtrak/run your mouth at slevy
you know I got my man's back/ you come to my court I hope you're ready
to jam that/make it rain so much we gotta build a levy/ my game hits
its peak after a few bud heavies/if you don't like my steez i hope you
like slevy's

Kevin Masters: In Maineville there's no train we call it the combine
if you're givin up somethin I gotsta get mine...aint mowin no lawns
aint pickin no corn just burnin up tracks since tha day I was born...I
spit tha troof if ya don't you're a liar you could be smoky bear ima
setchya on fire, now the feds wanna question me see what I know seems
tha beat's been murdered by catchy mick flow...

Jesse: I used to date a tramp, the trick's name was Carmen/now I run w
biddies so hot that they alarmin/you know I'm gully but you're softer
than a charmin/ yeah that's right I said it, you're softer than teepee/ I
got hoes all over Ohio grabbin on my peepee/and when its all over they
beggin me to skeet skeet

Kevin Masters: JG skeet shootin on tha pigeons and ya know what I'm
sayin you'll be down on ya knees butcha won't be prayin/ when you get
a mick and a dego on tha same beat it'll have up dancin just movin ya
feet/ slevys always up cuz I always put it down just don't step up cuz
I'll paintchya like a clown/ all the light's will be on high beamin
got crowd so loud that tha def could here 'em screamin/ got one more
line like to drop if I could you just beat like you were mornin wood

Jesse: Sittin in the chair getting my hair cut by babygames/she
probably a chicken like Raising canes/new chick every night while
you're wifed up pickin baby names/ And I'm the nicest rapper in
Ohio/you other emcees blow guys though/im on the creep with my hat and my
eyes low


If anyone sees Pelle, bust his balls about not writing anything in +/- one year.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

It was Opposite Week!

I'm sure no one believes that, but I was much happier going 0-4 in the Wildcard round than I would have been going 1-3. At least I'm consistent and you can pick against me to win money.

Divisional Round Preview (Here goes nothing!):

Arizona (+7) at New Orleans
Two amazing offenses battle in the first matchup of the weekend. The inventor of the Greatest Show on Turf travels with his new friends to Nawlins after hanging a 51 on the 2nd best (regular season) defense in the League. The Saints have lost their last three games after winning for the first three MONTHS of the 2009 season. Brees and crew weren't totally playing (or playing at all) in the last two games, but they did lose and honest one to the 'Boys in week 15. I like the Saints at home in a shootout.
Bottom Line: Saints 63, Cardinals 49

Baltimore (+6.5) at Indianapolis
Indy is 0-3 after a 1st round bye which worries me. Baltimore looked as good as anyone last week, but could not (and didn't have to) get their aerial game going. I like Ray Rice to rack up some yards, but Manning is on a mission this year and I think he'll make the Raven's D act their age.
Bottom Line: Colts 20, Ravens, 17

Dallas (+2.5) at Minnesota
The 'Boys are putting the D in Dallas and overrated Romo is playing his butt off. Felix Jones is hitting homeruns with some regularity and the only club playing better than America's team is the Chargers. I hate Favre almost as much as I hate the Red Sox, so it's impossible for me to pick him to win this game even though he's played like a champ all year. He cannot go a whole season with just one 2-interception game. This will be the game where he falls apart and turns the ball over a few times (at least I'm hoping).
Bottom Line: Cowboys 31, Vikings 14

New York (+7) at San Diego
San Diego has scored over 20 points every week in 2009, the only team to accomplish such a feat. I like PHILLIP RIVERS will have a good game and maybe LT has a little juice left to not look so old for one more week.
Bottom Line, Chargers 24, Jets 9

Going to leave you with this Sudanese classic:


Friday, January 8, 2010

Wildcard picks

The Wildcard Round is upon us and the matchups are as follows:

New York Jets (+3) @ Cincinnati Bengals
Philadelphia Eagles (+4) @ Dallas Cowboys
Baltimore Ravens (+3.5) @ New England Patriots
Green Bay Packers (-1.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

I thought about making these pick considering the lines, but clearly, practice is over - this is the playoffs and you play to win the game, while trying not to let a team off the hook.

New York Jets (+3) @ Cincinnati Bengals
The Jets stomped all over WhoDey last week in game where the Bengals had little to nothing to play for. I hate the Jets with all my heart --

TANGENT--> The five teams I hate more than any other, in order are: Boston Red Sox, Ohio Bobcats, New York Jets, Ohio State Buckeyes. I can only think of four that I reallllllly hate.

--and I want to pick against them with a healthy Cedric Benson and Twitter Superstar Chad Ochocinco (or is it Johnson this week?) but they looked sooooooo bad last week, it will be tough. Who cares, let's pick the Bengals for their first playoff win since 1990. Texas Longhorn Garret Gilbert wasn't even conceived yet. There were only 28 teams in the league; the Cardinals hailed from Phoenix, not Arizona; the Oilers were still in Houston; the Seahawks were in the AFC; and the Rams were in LA.

Bottom Line: Bengals 21, Jets 13

Philadelphia Eagles (+4) @ Dallas Cowboys
I would say that Wade Phillips and the Cowboys would win a playoff game, but Wade Phillips is TERRIBLE. Of the last three times during a playoff rematch where one team swept the season series, the losing team won the playoff game twice. I would have liked to do more research, but it was kind of arduous and I got a headache from looking at about 10 years of playoff results online. I can't pick the 'Boys until they show me something.

Bottom Line: Eagles 17, Cowboys 16

Baltimore Ravens (+3.5) @ New England Patriots
Welker getting hurt on a typical smallwhiteguynoncontact play will hurt the Pats significantly, but Brady has been itching to get back to the playoffs since this:
I like the Pats at home over young Joe Flacco and an aging Ravens defense. Ed Reed will make a ridiculous play, maybe a pick six or a forced fumble, but Mr. Bundchen comes through in the end.

Bottom Line: Patriots 31, Ravens 21

Green Bay Packers (-1.5) @ Arizona Cardinals
Another re-match from Week 17 in the final game of the weekend. Arizona, like Cincinnati, had little or nothing to play for and got trucked by the Pack. Green Bay has the second best points differential in the League, but played against a relatively weak schedule getting only three of their 11 wins against teams with winning records (and one of those was last week). The Cards also had only three wins vs. winners, so their schedule wasn't blowing the doors off of any buildings in Glendale either. I love the Packers' +24 TO margin, especially when compared to the Cardinals paltry figure of -7.

Bottom Line: Packers 34, Cardinals 14

Come back next week when we discuss the Divisional Round.


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy 2010

Links for the New Year:

Top 10 movies to look forward to via AskMen.

The perfect cast for the inevitable Tiger scandal movie via FanHouse.

April's NFL draft order via FanHouse.

The new best timekilling game on the entire world wide web.

Jersey Shore Quotes. Isn't that enough to get you to click?

Hayden Panettiere is dating Wladimir Klitschko, really?

Coming tomorrow, a Wild Card Round preview.