Peyton Manning to (Fill in Team Name)

In order to respect myself as a blogger tomorrow morning when I wake up in my mother's basement, I have to crank out a Peyton Manning possibilities breakdown. Since I'm clearly a Dolphins fan, you know who will be at the top of the list, but what about the rest? We'll do this Bill Simmons style, grouping 31 teams (that don't play in Indy) according to how will the team react when Peyton's agent calls them (or they call him).

Hit ignore button

Patriots, Giants, Saints, Steelers, Packers

These GMs don't even have time to think about Peyton with All-Pro or All-Timers already tossing the pigskin. They might even block his agent's number from calling again.

Not answering 

Panthers, Lions, Bengals, Eagles, Falcons, Tampa Bay

With big money vets (Eagles) or affordable, promising youngsters (everyone else on the list) taking snaps now, there is a small chance any of these teams takes much of a look at #18.

Let it go to VM, then call back

Texans, Bears, Rams, 49ers, Cowboys, Ravens, Chargers

You know just so you can tell your QB that you didn't take the call. Then probably send them a text or call back within 24 hours. He's not going to the Bears, too cold. The Rams are trading down because they don't want to draft a QB, so I don't think they'll sign one and move Bradford. The Chargers are happy with PHILLIP RIVERS even after a step back last year.  I don't see the Texans as a big possibility like Mike & Mike were blasting listeners with this morning. They kept saying, if Peyton is 75% of what we're used to him being, you have to do it. Why? Isn't that already what they have in Matt Schaub, at a better price? Why mess with it now? He fits very well down in H-town. Why aren't more people talking about him going to the Ravens? Maybe they don't have the money to do it, but with that defense and Ray Reezy at RB, this team is built to win right now and have a good WR in Anquan Boldin to catch tuddies from Peyton. He would look weird in purple though. The Cowboys present the most interesting option here along with the 49ers. This seems like a classic Jerry Jones move. Romo has gone from unrated to overrated to rated as an above average, but not top, quarterback. Peyton would be the star in the Star at quarterback that Jones has been looking for since Troy Aikman walked was carried away. The 49ers were awesome this year with Alex Smith, imagine how much better they are with Peyton. Yeah, pretty freakin good. They make/win the Super Bowl last year with him tossing bombs, right?

Pick up, pretend you didn't recognize the number

Jets, 

"Hello this is Mike (Tannebaum). Oh what? Peyton, no we're happy with the Sanchise. He's an All-Pro this year, just wait and see." Then send a text as soon as Sanchez is out of sight saying "call u 2nite when mark leaves". I don't see Peyton wanting to go to NYC or in the same city as his baby bro. Oh wait, the Jets play in both NYC AND his baby bro's town? Yeah, not happening.

Pick up

Bills, Raiders

Two clubs that recently spent big (money and picks, respectively) on QBs that didn't play as well down the stretch as they had hoped. They're definitely taking the call though I don't see Peyton fitting in either place with one too cold and the other too weird and poorly run.

Pick up on first ring

Jaguars, Vikings, Broncos, Chiefs, Titans

These clubs either have a guy who can take them to the playoffs, or a young gun who they think can do that. However one of these teams has studs (well the Broncos do in my man Timmy Tebow, but Elway wants a traditional passer) and all of them could use a Hall of Famer under center. Imagine the coverage Manning and Tebow would get in Denver, Sal Palantonio and Ed Werder would earn 10,000,000 points on their Holiday Inn members cards from basically living there.

Calling every few minutes like Mikey in Swingers

Dolphins, Redskins, Seahawks, Cardinals, Browns

The "Hey, we have nothing at QB" section spans teams bad (Browns) to a piece or two away from being really good (Dolphins, Seahawks). From this group, I like the Fins, Cardinals and Hawks as the best personnel fits, in that order. Seattle has a very good defense and a very good running back, but no one at wideout and play in a cold, rainy city. The last two parts of that sentence is what takes them out of the running. Arizona went from a Super Bowl team to below average in the NFC after losing a very good QB in Kurt Warner a couple years back. You plug in a passer of Manning's class into an offense with Larry Fitzgerald and a decent defense with dynamic special teams, you can make the playoffs for sure. It's warm, they play in a below average division and have done this before.  There's a lot to like, but the move to the NFC may be a little shaky for Peyton (my conjecture) as he's recovering and may want to stay in the conference where he knows the teams and defenses a little better. This leaves Miami as the best option. Warm weather for most of the season, good at WR, RB, defense and O-line, the team will be a playoff lock with a top shelf QB at the helm. Miami owner Stephen Ross wanted to make a splash at coach and QB this offseason. He got Joe Philbin for the first part, you can bet he will make sure to cannonball on the second half of that equation.