appropriate poem for the holiday

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING

Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving, and all through the barWere your old High School classmates, returning home from afar.Their hands were double-fisting and their faces were a smile,In hopes to avoid the parental convos for a while.Hurdling towards black-out, you and your friendsOrdering shots by the round, maxing out to no end.Drinking Captain and Jack, Jaeger and BeerAll in the hopes that sobriety would no longer be here.


The local tavern so dark, transformed for the night.Into a college meet-market for the young drinker's delight.Blackout Wednesday is here with booze on the minds,Of every young coed, huddled crowded inside.In the corner, the jocks, recall their old glory days,As they rubbed their beer guts and yelled 'man, you're so gay'.They pounded their fists on the bar, which raised such a clatter,That the barkeep soon rushed over to see what was the matter.The guys all got quiet, the whole bar turned to view,As the barman got mad and pointed to the crew."If you drunks don't quit it," he said with such class,"I'm gonna come over there, and beat on your ass".


The once popular girls, not so 'in' anymore,Had adopted new names, like fat-ass and whore.On, Kiki! On, Taylor! On, Catherine and Justine!You all went to college and gained the freshman fifteen.But Jessica, how you changed. You once were so flat.Now your curves are so kicking, your chest is so stacked.Hey Jess, here's my number. I know it's been long,But I think dinner's in order, while we're both still at home.


But Jeff, oh he's turning, his face a shade greenClear the way to the bathroom, if you know what I mean.Hey Rob, let's get going. I'm all out of cash.We've all drank too much, pretty soon we'll just crash.He called up a cab, and it soon would be here,the license plate said Fresh and had a dice in the mirror.My money spent on drinks, so Rob paid the fare,And I thought yo forget it, I'm drunk I don't care.


I returned to my home and climbed into bed,as visions of Jessica bounced through my head.College is awesome, don't get me wrong about that.But Thanksgiving parties are rad; straight up, yo true fact.In the morning I'd gorge, on football and fowl,but for now I'll just sleep off this hangover a-while.Outside Rob called, as the cab sped out of sight,"Hey douche, best get ready. We're going out tomorrow night!"

Poem can be found at si.com in the extra mustard column 11/25/2008