Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Mock Drafts? Mock THIS! (OHHHHH) [Mondays with Gus]

And now introducing a new feature for the Meatballs. Mondays with Gus. It's like Tuesdays with Morrie, but cool. Every Monday, the Gusball will hit us with some insightful, sharp and satirical (often) words. Enjoy and be glad you're not this guy. Also, yes, I know it's Tuesday, but yesterday was a special day for the blog and we wanted to welcome the new readers trampling to the site from the LoHud Yankees Blog because of your boy's guest post.

Seriously? No, seriously? There are mock drafts galore right now for the upcoming NFL draft, and I can't help but think that everyone involved has to be an idiot.

Don't get me wrong. I love me some NFL draft. The NFL draft is like a Chinese Buffet. You're not supposed to do it all the time, but when you do, not even the feeling that you just gained seven pounds in one sitting can stop you from feeling glorious. But it's WAY too early to get excited about this. Let me count the ways:

1. We don't even know the draft order yet! How can you have a mock draft when you don't know who's drafting in what spot? To use one of ESPN's lines against itself: Come on, man! At least wait until the Super Bowl is done so we know the order. (Ed. note: Come on, man! Was clearly stolen from Ed Lover's C'mon Son! Also I'm pretty sure Gus is going to get sued for calling it the Super Bowl.)

2. The combine. You know how there is always that one kid in gym class that is like six inches taller than everyone else and he immediately gets picked first in every sport? And you remember how often that kid sucked? The combine makes those kids look awesome. Everyone said Joe Haden, CB from Florida ran a slow 40 and shouldn't crack the top 10. He ranked fourth in the NFL with six INTs this year. The Jets loved how awesome Vernon Gholston of Ohio State looked because of the combine. He sucks. Stupid shit like that happens every year. Yet, that's a huge part of the draft process. Guys that suck look awesome. You have to see how many idiot GM's fall in love with those kinds of guys to make a real mock draft.

3. The Senior Bowl. You ever been at a college practice? Neither have most scouts and GM's, until the Senior Bowl. You gonna believe what a kid says in an interview about how he practices? Not when there is $60 million on the line. Has the kid had to play and practice against elite talent? Probably not. Does he have an NFL coach on the sideline? Nope. The Senior Bowl is one of the best ways to test a kid's preparation before the game, and a mock draft before that game happens is incredibly short sighted.

Believe me, I understand why ESPN does this. Browns and Bengals fans are talking about the draft during training camp and this is ESPN's chance to validate their obsession. It's this “early bird gets the worm” mentality. Yeah, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

But seriously, stop reading ESPN's garbage. Mel Kiper doesn't know s###* about players or what teams are doing right now. He doesn't even know who's picking 29-32. But then again, that's why he changes his draft board 647 times until the draft comes along. He doesn't have to know shit. Because people are going to pay attention anyway.

*For the record, I enjoy Mel's coverage on the draft, but my point here is that nobody knows what's going to happen or what's going to change.

-Ghassan Rafeedie

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