Friday, March 11, 2011

March vs. October...Best Sports Month?

KEY: March/Jesse
October/Major League

March is always the best sports month of the year, just bringing it with action from several major sports leagues. My favorite sport, baseball, has Spring Training. Sure, guys report in late February, but things really don't start until you can watch a split squad Grapefruit League game where over half the players are wearing numbers like 87, 63 and 91 and have a 1% shot at making the big league club. The NHL and NBA heat up as they march (wordplay!) towards the postseason. College basketball's conference tourneys and the Big Freaking Dance add to the wonderful darling of a month that also features the NCAA Hockey Championships. The world's greatest race series, Formula One, begins and its the only month without an NFL game/combine/camp/draft- which just makes us appreciate it even more. And one last thing, it gets even better every third year with the World Baseball Classic.

Is there really any debate to the greatest sports month? Major League here, reminding you through the next few blog paragraphs why I get paid to write articles (not in the least bit true) and Jesse has Gus and others write insightful stuff for him. He’s the Pete Rose player/coach of writing. Yea he plays, but it’s really not great to watch and all he’s doing is hurting his image. Plus he’s sliding in head first to a $100 lost bet to your truly.

Now that I’m done ripping apart my opponent, he’s going to try and convince you all that somehow March is a greater sports month than October. I have no idea how he intends to pull this off. I think he has a better chance of convincing you all that Michael Bay has the best movie dialogue ever (Transformers spoiler: Umm at one point in the second movie, a human temporarily dies and goes to robot heaven. Just thought you should know.). Anyway, get ready to hear nothing but Opening Day, and March Madness come out of his mouth. I won’t be listening. I’m too busy in October, watching things like football, playoffs, and preparing my epic Halloween costume so I can go out and ogle girls wearing very very little.

Just like an Ohio sports fan (though more typical of Cleveland than of Cincinnati), it's not about his team/month as much as it is the other team/month. You see it with LeBron James/the Heat, Michigan football, the Yankees, the Steelers, etc...just makes me shake my head. My opener discussed the merits of March, not mentioning October once. That's what I do- keep the focus on why March is the best, not why October can't hang. Anyway I'll have to spend some time ripping apart the tenth month of the year as this debate rages on, so LET'S GET IT ON.

I won't even dwell on Opening Day too much because it's a relatively new addition to the month. Really it's an embarrassment of riches and I don't want to make Major League and October pull a Heat and spend the night crying into their hands. We'll focus on March Madness, Spring Training and the crux of the hockey and basketball seasons. Sports' greatest playoff, March Madness is the largest gambling event of the year and what American doesn't like filling out the brackets? It's big business and a massive decreaser of office productivity. Throwing some quan on the brackets is American as hating Duke, apple pie and being overweight. Since my competition decided to throw holidays in the mix, I'll take this time to remind him of his alma mater's Green Beer Day and it's big brother St. Patty's Day. If that Mick-Kraut is honest with himself, he'll relent that St. Patty's Day> Halloween because it's not like he has a shot with any of the 818s he's ogling anyway.

Oh snap, someone put on their big boy pants today. Before further delving into why March cannot hang with October, let me debunk this entire notion that St. Patrick’s Day holds a candle to Halloween. Even as an Irish catholic beer drinking SOB, I have to admit that the holiday only holds its ground in certain cities like Chicago. They do SPD right, the way that New York does being assholes right, and Cincinnati does riots on race right. That said, SPD is a bar holiday, and is devoted to a person no longer a saint. A very low percentage of America celebrates the holiday, and many that do decided to not ingest any Irish food or drink. How is that better than Halloween? The girls dress slutty, kids get to trick-or-treat, bars aren’t your only option, and did I mention that the girls dress slutty. More participation, more locale options, more whorishness. What’s not to like?

Let’s move on to why baseball is better in October. Playoffs vs. Opening Day. Opening Day only matter in one city, mine. Cincinnati has the best celebration of any team, and is the only team that matters come March. Opening Day really does stink though. It’s cold, usually rainy. Miserable weather is not the time to watch a regular season game. Cut to October. Still a few good weeks of weather in there for playoff baseball, which is an amazing atmosphere (firsthand and first time experience last year. I can only imagine what it would be like if we won a game.). Points to October.

And Jesse, can you never bring up sporting events like NCAA Hockey and The WBC. No one cares about them. The WNBA has more fans. Now if you don’t mind, I’m being fitted for my crown.


I think you had a typo in that second paragraph where you said "and is the only team that matters come March." You most likely meant to say "my team only matters in March." with the exception of 2010, the Reds aren't a top team in the game. You're right that October baseball is amazing, but don't get used it- you're setting yourself up for heartbreak when Votto moves back to Canada to play hockey. Opening Day is great for every team and every fan. Of course Posnanski, Kurkijan, Gammons and crew will tell you 100 times that every team is tied for first place that day. It's a cliche, but it got that way because it's true. Even Royals fans and Pittsburghers are pumped for baseball to return. Playoff baseball is not playoff football. It matters to the fans of the eight teams playing and a the diehards, that's it.

Maybe you should get those girls from Police Women of Cincinnati and start you up a WNBA team, because that's about the only league that would launch a franchise in your town. NCCA Frozen Four and the WBC are just side dishes to the main course of March Madness, Spring Training and late season action from the NBA and NHL. Those tournaments are like that cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving, not everyone likes it, but the people who do, go nuts for it.

And back to holidays and celebrations, maybe you should try living in a real city once in your life that has parades. The St. Patty's Day Parade in NYC is legendary, as is the one in Dallas and they DIE THE FREAKING RIVER GREEN in Chicago. Don't remember any of that happening for Halloween. Even the NBA acknowledges the bossness of St. Patty's as the Knicks and some other teams wear green jerseys that day. No one except for minor league teams (like probably the Cincinnati Cyclones) would do that for Hween. Also, October is such a broke month, Oktoberfest doesn't even happen in October.

Check back next week as THE DEBATE RAGES ON...

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