Monday, May 2, 2011

This is Why I Love America [Major League Guest Blog]

This is why I love America.

Really, if you are reading this blog site, you too love Merika. It’s just not about the fact that we totally kick ass at spending money that isn’t ours, inventing badass sports like every sport except soccer and hockey (note that soccer is not a badass sport). It’s that we can rally around something as tragic as the events of 9/11, and feel a pang of hope when the figurehead of that act is taken down. Over the course of the last year, I think I’ve seen George W. Bush fire a heater down broadway about 40 times, Marvin Gaye and Whitney Houston belt out nasty versions of the anthem, and seen John Mclaine destroy a bevy of Russian foreigners who had no right being in Merika in the first place.

I love Merika because we overindulge. Binging is a way of life. Debt happens. Stupid people can become famous (i.e. Keanu Reeves. I mean seriously, he’s in Point Break, The Matrix, AND Bill and Ted? How the hell did that happen? Was Paul Walker just too young? Speaking of Paul Walker, is there anything more Merika than Fast and the Furious excluding Tokyo Drift? Fast cars, fast women, bad acting, lots of guys wearing sleeveless shirts, drugs, guns, cars, probable steroid abuse by Vin Deisel. That’s Merika. ). Every staple of life is copious in quantity (food, clothes, shelter), you can say whatever’s on your mind at any time, and can pause live Tv now.

Do we still have flaws? Of course. We’re becoming more unhealthy as a whole, racism still exists (too a much lesser degree however, but still), Title IX is still around, people still like Nickelback, and reality TV is now the majority of television programming. Is it anything we can’t work on to overcome? Of course not. And just like how we took down a figurehead today, we’ll have to do it again tomorrow. But just keep driving that Hummer your parents got you during your super sweet 16th party, because when the Middle East runs out of oil, Al-Qaida will run out of money, and then they can’t afford the swing sets they need to do conduct their monkey bar training.

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