New MLB Fight Rules [Mondays with Gus]

I'm sick and tired of baseball players charging the mound only to see two guys swinging like third graders. So, here are my suggestions for new rules.

Bring The Bat With You: This is only to be used in a very specific circumstance. You must have been hit by a fastball above the waist that was obviously done on purpose and not because of retaliation. If your pitcher beaned someone the half inning before, it's your pitchers fault you got hit. Illegal use of this rule will result in a negotiated amount of Freebies (see below) to be given against that batter, as chosen by vote of all MLB players.

Get The Catcher First: If you decide to charge the mound, it should be acceptable to ensure the catcher doesn't get involved in slowing you down. A push should be the standard operating procedure, unless it's obvious that the catcher was involved in the decision to hit you. If the catcher was involved, you should be allowed to kick him in a way that only attempts to knock him down (i.e. kicking him lightly in the chest protector so he falls over but doesn't get hurt). No kicking in the junk or the face.

Suspension Based On Injury: If a pitcher beans a batter on purpose (It's almost always obvious when it's on purpose), his suspension should be based off of the players injury. For example, if you hit a guy in the face and he's out on the 15 day DL, your suspension should be 15 days. If you break his eye and he can't ever play again, you should get a suspension that is significantly longer (but not permanent) than if he doesn't get hurt.

Freebie: The freebie rule is designed for batters that claim to have gotten hurt when they weren't even touched by the pitch. I'm talking about situations where you see the ball hit the bottom of the bat and nothing else, and the batter cries bloody murder and acts like he broke his wrist. In this case, a pitcher is given one free bean ball attempt with no consequences to be used only against the batter faking the injury. Using this on any other player will result in the legitimate use of the “Bring The Bat With You” rule.

First Base Or Nothing: If a batter runs for first base, in an attempt to make it look like he's actually trying to play baseball instead of attacking the pitcher, his charge of the mound will result in allowing all infielders to join the pitcher without suspension. If the pitcher talks trash (or throws a bat) while the runner is going to first, this rule becomes void.

I don't consider this the definitive list by any means. I'm certainly open to adding or subtracting rules. But, I think it's a good starting point for discussion. Because come on, baseball fans. You know we're all kinda jealous of the NHL and that we're sick of people saying that baseball is boring. Spice it up, MLB!

-Gus Rafeedie