Draft Hangover

How classic is the Celts/ Bulls series?  As I'm writing this, they've just started OT in Game 5 after having gone to extra period(s) in Game 1 and Game 4 and having Game 2 get decided on the last pozzesh.  

I don't blame you for not watching  the Celtics vs. Bulls, since the NFL draft took over our lives last weekend (and the week before with mock after mock).  For the parts I watched, it was much more exciting with just 10 minutes in between picks rather than the 15 as in the past.  I like the move the Jets made, moving up to get Sanchez.  As a Fins fan, their team makes me nervous in 2009, but I am ecstatic about getting Pat White in the second round.  The greatest player in WVU history was born to play in Miami's wildcat formation.  With his ability to pass or run out of that setup, the media will have to come up with a new name for the exciting offense.  Maybe wildERcat?  How about wildlion?  I don't know, I'm not paid to commentate on sports (yet), so I'll leave it up to the professionals to decide. 

There's a new poll up at the side to gauge how well you feel your team drafted.  I thought the Bengals did about as well as anyone.  That is weird to say, since the only thing they usually do well is get arrested and give teenage girls alcohol.

The Rap-Up:

Apparently Jay-Z's next release is a 'full fledged classic.'  That's good, now all it needs is a solid release date.  In other G.O.A.T. news, Eminem's new CD's track list has been leaked, but who even cares?  You can't tell how sweet a song is going to be by looking at what the name of it is.

Links of the week:

Watch out LC, Kristin Callivari is back.  This website has been around for a while, but it's still hilarious.  This guy is rather new, but is just as funny.  Any list that doesn't have Megan Fox as the sexiest woman in the universe is wrong.  Long time readers will remember my Bear Grylls

 vs. Les Stroud tale of the tape (AKA Bear love fest).  As any other 24-year old male in America, I also enjoy a good helping of Will Ferrell, so when I heard the two were teaming up for a Man vs. Wild episode to promote Ferrell's new movie, I almost peed my pants from the excitement.  Like cute hamster pictures?  Me too.  But not enough to make a whole website about it.

Word of the week: archaic: so extremely old as seeming to belong to another period.

Video of the week: Drunk Caps fan vs. Rangers Coach John Tortorella.

Babygame of the week: Rachel Hunter, 40, and still really really pretty.

-Jesse

Been gone for a minute but now I'm back for the jumpoff

Sorry for the hiatus, peeps.  It was rough writing about sports after watching my mighty RedHawks of Miami lose the hockey national championship after having a two-goal lead with a minute to go.  

In honor of the NHL playoffs, I thought I'd put together a list of my favorite and most annoying players, by positsh.  

Most annoying team in the NHL:

LW: Sean Avery: I like him, but he annoys me when he isn't playing for the Rangers (and sometimes he still does).  He is a clown and not normally in the good way.

C, Sidney Crosby:  Sorry, I meant to put this link up, honest.  OK, this one.  Amazing player, great for the game, probably will win a couple of championships, but just annoying to hear about allllllll the time.

RW, Brian Gionta: He's just so little (5'7") but so effective (20-40-60 this year).  That little pest from down the street you used to play ball with coming up who would just run around all the big guys and hit a jumper.

D, Scott Niedermayer: Mostly because he looks so old.  You look like one of the players' grandpas.  

D, Adam Foote: Screwed around with the Jackets' organization.  You shouldn't do that at all, especially as captain.  Also his nose is difficult to look at.

G, Marty Turco: This was a tough call between him and Roberto Luongo.  Although Luongo is a greasy haired, slippery guy who looks like he would smell in person, my personal beef with Jerko extends back two years.  We've got history, what can I say?

My favorite guys:

LW, Rick Nash: The captain of my adopted team, Freeway speaks softly and carries a big stick.  
C, Brad Richards: His shot is very very sneaky.  The former Conn Smythe winner could snap a shot or make a pass at any time, it's so tough to tell what he's going to do.
RW, Jarome Iginla: Score a goal, then punch you in the face if you're acting up.  
D, Mike Commodore: What's not to like about a big Ginger who throws down when you need him to and loves to make it rain?

D, Trevor Daley: Partially because I used to see him around the practice facility a lot, but mostly because he wins the Norris for me every year on my NHL 2009 dynasty.

G, Henrik Lundqvist: Another toughie in the goalie category.  I love my man in Columbus, Baby Fason Mason, but Lundqvist's nickname is King.  How can you argue with that?  Also he doesn't take crap from Ice Girls and you gotta respect that.  Act right when you're in the King's Castle, babygame.

Tough omissions from the fave team: C, Christ Drury; LW, Alex Ovechkin; G, Steve Mason; D, Dan Boyle.

Grow a beard, do it for the kids.  Watch out for the Lions this season, they might go 1-15! Very good texting advise for all levels of dating, rather important in 2009.

Word of the week: Loquacious: Full of excessive talk (kind of like this blog sometimes)

Babygame of the week: Classic Lindsay Lohan.

Video of the week: Billy Mays at the drive thru.

-Jesse

Heading to DC

If you haven't heard, my Miami RedHawks beat Bsamdfjkesdgi State 4-1 tonight at the Verizon Center to earn a spot in the National Championship game.  What does this mean to me?  It means that 48 hours from now we could be popping bottles.  Miami's never won a national championship in anything worthwhile before so this is the chance for these 26 boys to become legendary.  

Because I'm a fanatic I will be heading to DC for the game and the chance to see something historic.  If and only if the mighty red and white win on Saturday against Vermont/Boston, it will go down in the top three sporting events I've ever seen in my life (right now David Cone's perfect game, the final game in Yankee Stadium and the 3OT Knicks vs. Pistons game off the top of my head). 

Is Celene Dione about to buy the Habs?  Say it ain't so!

Slang word of the week: FriendTM: when a friend pays the bill, or buys something then has his friends give him money so he avoids finding an ATM/paying the surcharge.  I had a friend who used to do this all the time in college.  I'm glad there is now a word for it. 

Babygame of the week: Screw you Leo.

Video of the week: You think you have a sweet business card?  You don't, your business card is a piece of garbage.

-Jesse

Opening Day Tidbits and Jesse's Seaon Picks

In his 2008 Cy Young season, Indians ace Cliff Lee did not give up seven earned runs until his 59th inning pitched.  In 2009, it took him just 4+ innings to give up 7 ER.  

In other former Indians Cy Young winner news, CC Sabathia got CCrushed today in Baltimore, giving up 6 ER in 4.1 innings without a strikeout to his name.  

JOKE TIME: CC's ERA and Lee's ERA were hanging out by the 7-11 the today when CC's ERA said to Lee's, "Hey man, let's go see Fast and Furious at the movie theatre."  Lee's ERA thought about it, then piped up, "Isn't it rated PG-13, how old are we? I mean I was only two and a half last year, and weren't you not much older than that?"  

CC's ERA chimed back in with a chuckle, "Yea bro, but I'm 12 and a half this year and you're even older than that, we could pass for 13.  And besides if that doesn't work, you can just stand on my shoulders and we can get a discount on car insurance."

ATTENTION LADIES: If you want me or Mikey to date you, wearing this at Slevy's lake this summer will absolutely catch our eyes.  Also, looking like this will help a lot.

I'm in a little group that picks a bunch of different baseball categories with each costing $1 and being worth up to $10 each season (or more if no one wins the year before).  It's called "The Game" and here are all my picks for the upcoming season for your viewing pleasure:

NL East Mets

NL Central Cubs

NL West Dodgers

AL East Yankees

AL Central Indians

AL West Athletics

NL Champ Cubs

AL Champ Yankees

WS Champ Yankees

NL Cy Young Santana

AL Cy Young Halladay

NL MVP Pujols

AL MVP Sizemore

NL Wildcard Phillies

AL Wildcard Red Sox

Best Record Cubs

Worst Record Pirates

AL Manager Hillman

NL Manager Baker

NL 1st Base SS Pujols

-Jesse

Ladies and Gentleman, Introducing Bozo the Clown

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm a Steeler fan (and a Yankee fan). The reason I'm stating this is because I want that out in the open before I go any further. When reading this, you'll probably think that I am a very biased Steeler fan, but I assure you I can view the NFL with an open mind and know that the Steelers aren't the best team every single year. This is an old article, dating back to January 20Th, 2009. But, Jesse and I do this for fun, when I read an article from A writer who gets paid to write this garbage it's a slap in the face to any person who has a high school diploma.


This guy, we'll call him Bozo because he is such an absolute clown, is clearly upset that the Steelers at this point in time were going to their 7Th Super Bowl. I guess I'd be pretty upset too if my stud QB went down during the first game of the season after he won 18 games last year, but didn't win any meaningful games none the less. He calls the Steelers cheap shot artists and thugs. First off, if the point of the article is to call the Steelers thugs and cheap shot artists for their bone crushing hits during the 2008-09 season, shouldn't he stay on course throughout the article and ultimately nail your point down at the end? Later in the article he goes on this tangent about getting calls as late as 2005. Favorable calls? Really? The tuck rule was invented because of the Patriots, talk about getting calls. He claims the Steelers have been cheap shot artists since Cowher took over. Whining about Lee Flowers, Jason Gildon, Kimo Von Oelhoffen, Ryan Clark, Hines Ward, and Deshea Townsend. I mean, this guy is really pissed off, but back to my point, how does this guy get paid to write articles? He goes on another tangent when he thinks that the media is so obsessed with the Steelers because the announcers constantly defend the Steelers. How does this defend his point? On top of that, Tom Brady gets jerked off on tv more than he does from Giselle. This guy is clueless. Plus, doesn't every New England sports writer have to bite their tongue when talking about other teams? The Patriots cheated, how can you not tear up the Pats and rip on another team? The Steelers might crack you upside the head, but atleast they didn't have some staff member filming the game with a JVC camcorder. Oh, I almost forgot...shouldn't a writer know the rules of the game that he is writing about? Yes, a writer should.

So Bozo, why is it that you mention helmet to helmet hits several times in the article, but fail to define the helmet - to - helmet rule. A player cannot lead with his helmet. The game we are talking about here is football. Helmets are going to hit. When a player leads with his shoulder and their helmets collide, that is a perfectly legal hit. Both cases this year Ryan Clark lead with his shoulder and their helmets collided and he even got fined for the Wes Welker hit. Randy Cross and Phil Simms stated that when McGahee was lying on the ground (Noone touches Lawrence Timmons, why did the ref blow the whistle - run in the endzone, run the score up -oops, sorry that was my steeler side getting greedy) that the hit was legal. I would most certainly believe Phil Simms, an ex NFL qauarterback over Bozo who is a part time clown when he isn't writing filth.

Columbus Sports Nicknames, WTFC?

I've lived in Columbus for almost a year now and it's perplexed me for some time as to why the names of the capital city's sports teams have been sub par.  Over the next few minutes, take a trip with me down Awful Nickname Lane - bring something to stay hydrated, since it'll be a long one, all the way back to the 1870s.

Columbus Blue Jackets (2000-present): The city's only major league team's nickname honors the big role Ohio played in the Civil War.  Early in the team's history, they made up a fake blue jacket bug called Stinger to have a mascot that could be embraced by kids.  It's nice to honor the past, but blue jackets don't incite fear in the hearts of opponents like Tigers, Wolves, Hawks, etc.

Columbus Clippers (1977- present): A Clipper was a type of boat from the 19th century that traveled all over the oceans and seas with all sorts of cargo.  If you are unfamiliar with the geography of Columbus, it's well over 500 miles from the closest ocean.  It's like naming a team after the Rocky Mountains in the great plains, just plain doesn't make sense.  Apparently Christopher Columbus often sailed clippers, but that's a bit of a stretch for me to buy as a team name.

Columbus Crew (1996- present): The 2008 MLS Champions earned their nickname from a fan contest.  Way to go, Columbus, the best name you could come up with is 'crew.'  It brings to mind teamwork and a blue collar attitude, but so does 'Steelers' and that sounds a lot more menacing than 'crew.'

Ohio State Buckeyes (1870- present): I get it, the nickname honors the state tree and it's important for a state school to respect the state.  At least the other big time program that named it's team after a tree (Stanford Cardinal) has a mascot who likes to party.  Buckeyes, just like every other team nickname in the city, doesn't bring it in the fear department.  The nut itself is poisonous to cattle and sometimes humans, but it's not exactly cyanide.

Columbus Chill (1991-1999): Ice is cold, brrrrr, chilly.  Hardy har har.  This might be the worst of all.  When I grow up I'm going to buy a baseball team and call it the Newark Green.  This is beyond awful when you throw their color scheme in the mix.  When you hear chill, you think cold and when you hear cold, you think blue (not black and white).

Columbus Solons (1889-1891): This short-lived baseball team was named after an ancient sage or respected leader.  No wonder they only lasted for three seasons and finished under .500.

Columbus Panhandles (1907- 1926): This broke-as-a-joke nickname was based on the railroad route between Pittsburgh and Columbus.  It's the only team in city history who realized how dumb their nickname was and made an attempt to improve upon it, re-branding themselves as the Columbus Tigers in 1922.  After making this huge change for the better, the team folded after finishing second-to-last and last in it's final two seasons.  What a shame.

*There were three baseball teams that went by the Columbus Buckeyes, so please see Buckeyes, Ohio State for their nickname breakdown.

At least UC Santa Cruz and their phenomenal nickname aren't moving to central Ohio anytime soon.

-Jesse