Guest Post #2 for The Lube Tube

(Meatball editor's note: edited slightly for formatting and language)

I really don’t know how to put this out there without sounding like a jerk, and outdated, but cell phones are for assholes. I plan on giving some logic for that statement, but I figure I’ll let you think less of me for a while. Basically, I just trashed the favorite invention of most kids/adults in my generation. There’s no way people are agreeing with me on this one when it’s getting posted on a blog. But I’ll have you know, I remember the days of sitting on a phone and not being able to walk more than a few feet from the cord, or not being able to walk outside, because the cordless didn’t have the range. I remember those days, I do. Honestly. I also know the feeling of leaving my cell at home when I left for work, wondering if anyone called all day and worrying just a little about what I’ll do if my car breaks down runs out of gas. Listen, I don’t want to knock everything there is about cell phones, because, in today’s culture, they’re essential. However, I’ve noticed trends over the years that really bug the hell out of me, and I wanted to at least share them. Feel free to hate me. I don’t care. Chances are you and I weren’t meant to be.

Talking on your phone or texting constantly while out with your friends

I have a friend that does this. So much so that we don’t hang out as often as we used to. Like barely. It’s the single most annoying thing to me. I’ll be there, holding a conversation with them, and they’ll decide that texting for the next 10 minutes with someone who decided to ditch us that night is a better idea. Or their ex-girlfriend. Or a douche. Really? They’re more interesting? For one, that’s impossible, because I’m the most enigmatic person you’ll ever meet. I’m only 20% joking. When I’m out, you have fun. Ask anyone. Okay, don’t ask anyone, only ask me. I’ll tell you the truth. Secondly, why are you out tonight with our group (I didn’t want it to feel like these were never group events) if you’re going to disengage from the conversation. These people are worthless, and all they do is drag the momentum down form the rest of the group. If you aren’t having fun. Go home. We don’t want you to be there either.

I’ve also noticed these pockets of people that text together in a group. What is that? You all get together just so you can talk with other people that aren’t there. Consider me stumped. However, these people are good for one thing. Me feeling better about myself. It’s like being in math class with retards.

Texting

I don't get it, but before I go off, let me point out some good arguments for texting. Sending information for phone

numbers or street addresses for directions. Easily the best use of texting ever: Texting ChaCha for an answer to some trivia question, or to try and figure out the name of the song you can’t get out of your head (Kenny Rogers, FTW). Acceptable. Trying to figure out some pertinent information (like what time does the party start, or how much beer is there) from a person you don’t know all too well. I get it. Texting because you’re in a library, or at work, and you can’t actually talk. Uh huh. That’s fine. When people sit there and hold an actual converstaion of how their day went while driving to work, or at the baseball game, or a bar, or really just about anywhere; it infuriates me. Why not just call them and get the 10 minute texting conversation down to a 30 second call? I just don’t get it. It’s like our generation is socially inept at verbal communication. The worst part about my hatred for it, is that I was once on your side. My parents thought AIM was the dumbest thing ever. I disagreed. I loved having six chat windows open at once, going back and forth for 45 minutes, in what I could’ve done in 10 minutes of phone calls. Why’d I do it? Probably, because I was bored, so I wanted it to last a little longer, so I was entertained a little longer. And maybe that’s what’s being done with texting; making the dull points a little less boring. The problem that I have with texting, is that I didn’t bring my computer to a party or a bar or a sports event so that I could text. I went to those places to interact with actual people. You should try it to. Real people are fun too.

The guy that’s checking his Blackberry/ iPhone at the game

I’m not going to even mention the guy that waves behind home plate while he’s on the phone. He’s a worthless human being, and I assume that he’s talking to his mom, because no one wants to be friends with that guy. Crap, I guess I did mention him. Anyway, I have a friend (yes, a surprise to all of you, I know) that brings his damned iPhone to every sports game he goes to, and does nothing but check scores of other games while there. Paying $20 for this seat wasn’t reason enough for you to watch the game in front of you? You honestly need to see how one of your fantasy baseball guys is pitching in the 3rd inning? Just wait until you get home. You go to the game to cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Leave it all behind, it’s an escape. You go there, or play golf to relax and just enjoy the atmosphere, not hit refresh on your Blackberry when Ladianian Tomlinson is getting carries inside the 5-yard-line.

That guy that talks on the phone, or texts, or checks his texts during the movie

I can see that bright light, douche. You deserve to be killed. Die forever.

Listen, all my ideas and opinions aren’t right. I just worry about this generation not being able to properly hold conversations, and becoming too introverted in our own worlds. When texting to avoid social awkwardness is used as often as it is now, it’s a crutch that limits what you can do. Just open yourself up a little. That’s all I ask.

-The Lube Tube

Entourage, Episode 603

Last night's Entourage featured the the Bush Baby again, much to my dismay, but I still dig the development of the young season. E has endured a setback with his not getting picked up, but showed some masculinity when he snapped at the TV exec for cutting Charlie from the pilot. Turtle, on the other hand was feeling very emasculated after getting clowned on by US Weekly, his mom, 50 Cent and others. Vince and Jamie-Lynn both bought him gorgeous whips for his 30th, but he was feeling like too much of a dependent and waste of life. Vince is on the up and up still so that causes the viewer much less stress each episode and Johnny is coasting.

E is still the series' weakest character, letting women play too strong of a role in his life and level of happiness. The one central theme of the show is male camaraderie and E just constantly seems to miss out on it. I had a realization last night that I wish they would make short movies or at least trailers for the movies Vinnie is supposed to do. I would love to see Aquaman, Queens Boulevard, Gatsby and this new Enzo Ferrari flick. It should be interesting to see if Turtle follows through on his school plan, since the kid hasn't ever really finished anything through five plus seasons.

Pelle and I are heading to Chicago this weekend to catch the Pinstripes/White Sox game and we'll hit you with a review of The Cell upon our return.

Cuts I can't stop listening to:

Run This Town- Jay-Z ft. Kanye West and Rihanna

Chillin'- Wale ft. Lady Gaga

Be Worried- Nas ft. Swizz Beatz

I'll Be Your Man- The Black Keys

Luxury Tax- Rick Ross ft. Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy

Million Bucks- Maino ft. Swizz Beatz

Get Like Me- Childish Gambino

Use Somebody- Kings of Leon

Check out AskMen's 2009 Great Male Survey for some time killing.

TFLN of the week: (732): They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.

BabyGame of the Week: ScarJo

-Jesse

Random Thoughts 7/24

So, apparently Phil Mickelson wants to be a businessman now.

I watched this video and the headline says "fly fisherman accidently catches Great White Shark" Now my question is how are you a fly fisherman and accidentally catch a Great White Shark? I mean, I can see the shark biting your line and then breaking it, but actually catching the great fish sounds a little suspect to me.

I just threw up all over myself. I don't know whats worse, the actual article or the headline? Really? Oh and by the way, if anyone actually believes him - shame on you.

Here is how I know that Big Ben didn't rape this women. A. she isn't even filing a criminal complaint and just wants some of his lute. B. look at him, he didn't shave, no tie, hair is going everywhere, and he read a statement that his lawyer wrote 5 minutes before hand and he didn't even rehearse it. He doesn't give a shit.

Sucks to be this guy

This will bring you back to your glory days. How great was Bill Walsh college football?

Seth Rogan did not take too kindly to the jokes in the most recent entourage episode.

This I won't watch, but you know what I would watch? The best players in the NFL right now play these cats - there would be highlights galore for days.

-Mikey

Entourage, Episode 602

E's new romantic interest

Episode two of the latest season of Entourage showed the boys back together, for the most part. E ended the episode heading out, but at least it was to visit a girl. That girl, Alexis Dziena looked very odd to me in her most recent TV appearance. She was sort of cute in Fool's Gold (yeah I watch rom-coms on my own time, get over it) from a couple of years ago, but I found her difficult to look at in Entourage and sort of reminiscent of a Tarsier (pictured above). Once I got past that, I found a good episode. I was happy about the boys (for the most part) ending up together and Turtle getting to go public with Jamie-Lynn. Most importantly in this episode, Vinnie's comeback was made full circle. He's back on top where we all want him to be and making moves on the daily.

I also liked the side story of Gary Cole's character cheating on his wife with the junior agent. It gave some depth and drama to the season that has been upbeat and lighter through the first 60 minutes. E was typical E, chasing Sloan around, though I'm not quite sure what's holding her back. I guess she was being one of 'those girls' who tell you what they want, then when you do it, they aren't happy because they wanted you to want that on your own. Every guy reading this (or in America) has had to deal with that at some level. Thankfully, I haven't been down that road but once in the last few years and don't think I will be for another few.

The season has kept the good episode streak coming out of the season prior, a little bit better than Jimmy Rollins did in 2006 (sorry, Dave). I'm going to cut this post short and hit the sack after a loooooooong weekend after leaving the people with these final thoughts:

After mentioning my thoughts about the girl E went home with, Meatball guest writer, the Lube Tube and I got to talking about times in life when women are the best looking. He thinks women peak in their late 20s, two out of three women in an informal poll I conducted at work agreed. However, an intern and I were on the same page when we thought it was 19 for most members of the fairer sex. It's before one gets inundated with studies and then work, and still has time to keep up on one's appearance. I know my lifestyle got much less healthy after 19 in college and then living on my own as did that of most of my friends of both genders.

We agreed that guys hit their peaks in the mid to late 30s for the most part, so we all have something to look forward to.

-Jesse

Entourage, Season Six Premiere

Most, if not all of the Meatball fans watch Entourage so I thought I would provide some input on the first ep of season six.

As we learned at the end of season five, the boys were finally turning things around. Vince landed the lead in a Scorcese movie, E's client's pilot was about to get green lit, Johnny Drama still has a hit show and Sal - I mean Turtle - was not doing much professionally, but was dating Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

Good Things:

+ Sloan's back: If you're a red-blooded male, I don't really need to explain to you why her being back in E's life is good for the show. Did you know she was in Are You Afraid of the Dark? back in 1996?
+Vince is still pulling hotties: Nuff said.
+Turtle is growing up: If anyone on the show needed to act their age a little more often, it was most definitely Turtle. He dressed like I did in high school and the boys are supposed to be in their early 30s (Drama a few years beyond that). He has no financial support system or real world applicable business skills, so if anything happened to Vinnie, he'd be screwed.
+Lloyd being assertive: He goes in there and demands a promotion from Ari. It's about time he sac'd up and went after what he wanted in life (besides Tom). Did you realize Lloyd has been in 53 of 69 episodes (through the first five seasons)? That's more than Mrs. Ari or Shauna. It's also more than Billy, Dana Gordon and Sloan, COMBINED. Once you see that, you see it's about time Lloyd tried to move up.
+Gary Cole: I really like Gary Cole in most of the things he's been in, from The Brady Bunch Movie to Pineapple Express. I like his character and like that Ari doesn't forget who he passed on the way up.

Bad Things:

-The boys are growing apart: As my boy Dommy said, "I watch this show because it would be sweet to live like that, this is just a microcosm of my life now." I can't say it any better. Who doesn't grow apart, I don't want to see that on TV, happening to the boys, I see it every day of my life.

-Vinne got his license: I'm not interested in that whatsoever. Vinnie was unique because he was 30-plus and had no idea how to drive. Well, I guess he still doesn't, but now that he can, it takes one of the only things Turtle brings to the table away.

-E's getting more self-sufficient: E can be kind of schmucky to me at times and the fact that he is establishing himself as a manager makes me nervous that that will only get stronger. He always has been the first guy to hide something from the rest of the boys and him making moves and getting his own place just gives him more freedom to do that.

All said and done, I thought it was a good episode. Frustrating because Entourage has a way of nailing home a point and I've got the feeling that the boys will continue to grow apart more and more over the next month before the tide turns them back together.

BabyGame of the Week: Ana Beatriz Barros

-Jesse

Jams that will soon be Jams

Messing around on itunes yesterday and today I decided to try and find some good music that not a lot of people have heard yet. This is more like a tweet than it is a blog, but so be it.

Beggin' by Madcon
When I hear this song it reminds of me of the Roots at first, but has a twist of Wyclef.

Until the Sun Dies by Lushlife
Starts out a little slow, you may think I'm weird when it starts. Depressing at first but starts in with crazy music - reminds me of Lupe.

I'm A G by Reef the Lost Cause vs Guns & Butter
This is a banger - nuf said.

Shining Down by Lupe Fiasco ft/Matthew Santos
I have a mixed feeling towards Lupe, he is really good or really bad in my opinion. This is when he is really good.

Cool Relax by Naledge ft/ Jay Electronica
Clever sounded dude, mix between Nas, Kanye, and once again - Lupe.

Molly by Acid Tab Vocab
Starts out pretty interesting to say the least, but I like the beat and pretty funny lyrics.

Roll the Windows Up by Nipsey Hussle
So Far by Sleep of Oldominion

-Mikey

When News isn't News

Trevor Ariza's buddy saying that Trevor told him that Lebron told Trevor - when he was trying to pitch him on coming to Cleveland - that Lebron is staying past 2010 is not news. This is a he said that he said situation with zero to little implication. Explain to me why this is front page of ESPN.com and mentioned on the back page of the NY dailies. Do you have any idea the things some of my friends (and I) have said to members of the opposite sex/ prospective clients/ potential employers/ etc. when they are trying to get them to go out/home with them/ buy something/ hire them and so on?

This is just one recent example of when we are subjected to a report that is sold, branded and delivered as news, when it is, in fact, not news.

A much better, not as recent example, goes to the 2008 Olympic qualifiers. A man, whose name escapes me, but is known as "Tink-Tink" to Katt Williams fans, who has two artificial legs did not make it to the Olympics. This is absolutely not news. A guy without natural legs normally does not make it to one of the world's highest level of competition. In no way shape or form is this news.

Sammy Sosa's name was on the 2003 list of MLBers who tested positive for PEDs. Come on. We knew this was the case a decade ago. It would be news if Sosa was tested and came out clean. Stories like these are akin to the heavyset, acne-prone kid getting shut down by every girl he asks to prom. NOT NEWS.

I'm in search of a good topic to toss my opinion all over, if you have suggestions for me, please comment or shoot us an e-mail at meatballsinthemorning@gmail.com.

Bonus audio: click to listen to a radio interview I did for work on 7/7.

-Jesse