Guest Post #2 for The Lube Tube

(Meatball editor's note: edited slightly for formatting and language)

I really don’t know how to put this out there without sounding like a jerk, and outdated, but cell phones are for assholes. I plan on giving some logic for that statement, but I figure I’ll let you think less of me for a while. Basically, I just trashed the favorite invention of most kids/adults in my generation. There’s no way people are agreeing with me on this one when it’s getting posted on a blog. But I’ll have you know, I remember the days of sitting on a phone and not being able to walk more than a few feet from the cord, or not being able to walk outside, because the cordless didn’t have the range. I remember those days, I do. Honestly. I also know the feeling of leaving my cell at home when I left for work, wondering if anyone called all day and worrying just a little about what I’ll do if my car breaks down runs out of gas. Listen, I don’t want to knock everything there is about cell phones, because, in today’s culture, they’re essential. However, I’ve noticed trends over the years that really bug the hell out of me, and I wanted to at least share them. Feel free to hate me. I don’t care. Chances are you and I weren’t meant to be.

Talking on your phone or texting constantly while out with your friends

I have a friend that does this. So much so that we don’t hang out as often as we used to. Like barely. It’s the single most annoying thing to me. I’ll be there, holding a conversation with them, and they’ll decide that texting for the next 10 minutes with someone who decided to ditch us that night is a better idea. Or their ex-girlfriend. Or a douche. Really? They’re more interesting? For one, that’s impossible, because I’m the most enigmatic person you’ll ever meet. I’m only 20% joking. When I’m out, you have fun. Ask anyone. Okay, don’t ask anyone, only ask me. I’ll tell you the truth. Secondly, why are you out tonight with our group (I didn’t want it to feel like these were never group events) if you’re going to disengage from the conversation. These people are worthless, and all they do is drag the momentum down form the rest of the group. If you aren’t having fun. Go home. We don’t want you to be there either.

I’ve also noticed these pockets of people that text together in a group. What is that? You all get together just so you can talk with other people that aren’t there. Consider me stumped. However, these people are good for one thing. Me feeling better about myself. It’s like being in math class with retards.

Texting

I don't get it, but before I go off, let me point out some good arguments for texting. Sending information for phone

numbers or street addresses for directions. Easily the best use of texting ever: Texting ChaCha for an answer to some trivia question, or to try and figure out the name of the song you can’t get out of your head (Kenny Rogers, FTW). Acceptable. Trying to figure out some pertinent information (like what time does the party start, or how much beer is there) from a person you don’t know all too well. I get it. Texting because you’re in a library, or at work, and you can’t actually talk. Uh huh. That’s fine. When people sit there and hold an actual converstaion of how their day went while driving to work, or at the baseball game, or a bar, or really just about anywhere; it infuriates me. Why not just call them and get the 10 minute texting conversation down to a 30 second call? I just don’t get it. It’s like our generation is socially inept at verbal communication. The worst part about my hatred for it, is that I was once on your side. My parents thought AIM was the dumbest thing ever. I disagreed. I loved having six chat windows open at once, going back and forth for 45 minutes, in what I could’ve done in 10 minutes of phone calls. Why’d I do it? Probably, because I was bored, so I wanted it to last a little longer, so I was entertained a little longer. And maybe that’s what’s being done with texting; making the dull points a little less boring. The problem that I have with texting, is that I didn’t bring my computer to a party or a bar or a sports event so that I could text. I went to those places to interact with actual people. You should try it to. Real people are fun too.

The guy that’s checking his Blackberry/ iPhone at the game

I’m not going to even mention the guy that waves behind home plate while he’s on the phone. He’s a worthless human being, and I assume that he’s talking to his mom, because no one wants to be friends with that guy. Crap, I guess I did mention him. Anyway, I have a friend (yes, a surprise to all of you, I know) that brings his damned iPhone to every sports game he goes to, and does nothing but check scores of other games while there. Paying $20 for this seat wasn’t reason enough for you to watch the game in front of you? You honestly need to see how one of your fantasy baseball guys is pitching in the 3rd inning? Just wait until you get home. You go to the game to cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Leave it all behind, it’s an escape. You go there, or play golf to relax and just enjoy the atmosphere, not hit refresh on your Blackberry when Ladianian Tomlinson is getting carries inside the 5-yard-line.

That guy that talks on the phone, or texts, or checks his texts during the movie

I can see that bright light, douche. You deserve to be killed. Die forever.

Listen, all my ideas and opinions aren’t right. I just worry about this generation not being able to properly hold conversations, and becoming too introverted in our own worlds. When texting to avoid social awkwardness is used as often as it is now, it’s a crutch that limits what you can do. Just open yourself up a little. That’s all I ask.

-The Lube Tube