Notes from Dallas

I'm in Dallas for a few days, my former home of two years+, visiting family, friends and dogs.  During the visit, I won't have as much time to post, but here are some thoughts and ruminations to get you through the week.

Man vs. Wild.  Is anyone keeping score here?  The "vs." implies that there is some sort of rivalry involved in the situation.  It ain't a rivalry.  How many episodes have their been?  Apparently we are at 33 and counting.  There's been nothing that resembles a rivalry yet.  It's 33-0, Bear and that's just what's been on TV.  It's probably more realistically similar to the Harlem Globetrotters record vs. the Washington Generals.  This is reminiscent of the Yankees  and Red Sox from 1919-early 2000s.  It was nothing until 2000 with the emergence of Pedro and Nomar when Boston started to show some life and make things interesting.  Come on, Mother Nature, bring something to the table here, please before Bear starts to get bored.  Anyone want to watch a bored bear?

Down goes #1.  Again.  Feeling a little bit of deja vu?  I am.

I didn't vote for Obama, but last week was undeniably historic, regardless what color your state is.  This one verse remix is off the hook.  I'll learn how to put videos directly on here soon enough.

"Best thing since sliced bread."  What's the deal with people saying that?  Imagine growing up in 1928, roughly around the time sliced bread was introduced.  How weak were the lives of American people when sliced bread was the hottest thing on the streets?  There are so many more things since then that are wayyyyy better than sliced bread.  I challenge the MITM fans to come up with a new phrase.  Comment away!

Speaking of old phrases..."Selling like hotcakes"  When were they just flying off the shelves?  How about "selling like weed at the University of Colorado,"  or maybe "selling like cheese in Wisconsin"?  Another challenge to the people to come up with some new ones.

Mickey Rourke is coming after Chris Jericho.  I'm currently watching a behind the scenes look on Air Force One and I remembered this hilarious scene from the 1997 movie.

-Jesse

Celebs at the Margarito vs. Mosley Fight

Jim Lampley claims there are 500 people that the average American could recognize.  This is obvious hyperbole, but let's take a real count.  I can't see everyone, but here's a list of people I see in the first few rows:

Bernard Hopkins (kept standing and cheering all fight long much to the chagrin of Marky Mark)

Arnold Schwarzenegger (had the best seats along with Sly)

Sylvester Stallone (he's really had a lot of work done, it's clear when you see him in HD)

Toby McGuire

George Lopez

LaDanian Tomlinson (in the ring pre-fight)

Joe Pesci (wearing an Indians hat for some reason)

Ray J (also in the ring pre-fight)

Mark Wahlberg (dressed like a lumberjack)

Kevin Connolly (wearing funny sunglasses)

Babyface

Cuba Gooding, Jr.

...

In other news, we are seven rounds in as I'm writing this and Sugar Shane Mosley is absolutely DOMINATING Margarito.  This is the biggest crowd in Staples Center history (20,000+)

UPDATE:  9th round, Mosley just went after Margarito and the referee just stopped the fight as the Tijuana Tornado fell to the mat for the second round in a row.  Here's a round by round read on the beatdown.  Sugar Shane TKO!

Earlier in the evening, Margarito's wraps were found to  have some plaster of Paris on them during a pre-fight inspection.  Margarito's hair is terrible.  It's like a faux hawk rat tail combination.

-Jesse

Tale of the Tape

Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) and Les Stroud (Survivorman) are often compared by fans and critics alike.  Here's a breakdown of the two men's strengths, weaknesses, skills and oddities.

# of seasons:

BG: 5 and counting

LS: 2

This one is obvious.

Advantage: Bear

Beard growing ability:

BG: sparse at best

LS: it's so thick that it connects to his chest hair

Another easy one to judge, Bear barely has a dirtstache after a week in the woods.

Advantage: Les

Film making skills:

BG: rarely carries his own camera, only when doing something in a tight spot

LS: carries his own gear and sets up shots while surviving

While this gives Les more to worry about besides keeping alive, it also makes the situation less authentic for viewers.  Bear just keeps on going and has to worry about his camera crew making it too.

Advantage: Bear

Ability to use what you've got:

BG: he makes water filters out of t-shirts, catches fish with his pants and ties stuff with his belt.

LS: brings a fishing rod on trips, but he did start a fire with a flashlight which is neat.

Bear could do anything he wants to get food or build shelter if he was just dropped anywhere

Advantage: Bear

Crutch:

BG: flint stone

LS: tarp

Bear doesn't often make fires without use of his flint stone whereas Les uses twine, a flashlight, sticks, the sun, whatever he wants to basically.

Advantage: Les

Actual remoteness:

BG: middle of nowhere

LS: not too far out from a camp

Bear is getting dropped out of airplanes and jumping into rivers from helicopters while Les has some locals walk him out what seems like a mile or two.

Advantage: Bear

Age:

BG: 34

LS: 47

Les is more of a wily veteran, but is approaching a half century in age, so that will slow him down in colder weather, a la Brett Favre late in the NFL season.  Bear is younger but lacks some of the experience Les does.

Advantage: Push

Frequency of using own urine:

BG: He pees on his hand to separate it from a knife, he drinks pee, he pees on on his shirt and puts it on his head to protect from sunburn.

LS: Not very often

While Bear can use his pee for a multitude of things, is that really something to brag about?

Advantage: Push

What they use animal poo for:

BG: Extracting water.

LS: Keeping a fire burning while you go hunt for food.

While Bear's use is much more manly and disgusting, but Les' is more functional.

Advantage: Les

Typical food choice when surviving:

BG: snakes, bugs, gators

LS: berries, leafs, dandelions, fish

Les eats things that I would have no problem eating most of the time.  Bear does what he has to do and then some, he'll get that protein from a snake by biting its head off then throwing it over his neck like a snake necklace.

Advantage: Bear

Method of getting food:

BG: Sticks hand in catfish's mouth, wrestle a gator, grab a snake.

LS: Go fly fishing, set traps.

Les is more of a passive survivor, letting things come to him, while Bear is a go getter.

Advantage: Bear

Accent:

BG: English, he says things like Glacier, intestines and vitamins very humorously. 

LS: Slightly Canadian, he'll through an 'eh' or 'you know' in there every so often.

Each time you see Bear there is a chance he might say something else in a funny way.

Advantage: Bear

Other skills that have little to nothing to do with survival:

BG: Rugged good looks.

LS: Rugged good looks and plays a mean harmonica.

Both men agree you have to stay positive and keep your morale up and what better way then to hum some blues.

Advantage: Les

Winner: Bear Grylls.  Obviously, Stroud is just Les of a man than Bear.  The final tally has Bear on top 7-4-2.  He decided to celebrate the win with a fine meal.

-Jesse

College

Here is a little story I wrote a couple of years ago as I was getting ready to graduate college and move on to the next part of my life.  It's very heavy with figurative language, so try to keep up.  Hope you enjoy it.

Loved and Lost: College Graduation

College is a girl. In a nutshell, you meet her, fall for her, have a hot relationship a few years and then all of a sudden, it’s over. She leaves when she thinks you’re ready for the next step. She’s prepared to move on, but what about you? It almost always ends on her terms. There are a few guys who leave on their terms after three years and there are others who drag it out for almost a decade trying to hang on to her as long as possible, even though the last couple years aren’t as fun as the first few. This is the story of every the essential educational experience.

It starts out with you at the bar, checking out every girl in the room. You look at the pack of girls to your immediate left, you check out the ones on the other side of the bar; you give it a good 360, ending with a lap around the place to see if there’s anything – rather, anyone – that you may have missed. Eventually you cut out the really big ones, the artsy hipsters, the trashy townies and teensy weensy chicks. This helps you narrow it down to the cute to really hot girls you’ve got a shot with.

Next you consult your buddies and put several feelers. You get good vibes from a couple and spend the next part of the evening determining your chances at success with each of them. You weigh hotness with smarts, and long shots vs. sure things. Finally you commit and pick the best one for you. You take her on one date and fall in love, but you won’t be able to see her until autumn.

At first, she seems like a lot to handle, but you immediately fall in love. She makes you drink and smoke more than you ever have but she also makes it so much fun you don’t care that you’re letting yourself go a bit. She thinks beards are cool and doesn’t mind when you wear sweats or if you have on the same t-shirt three days in a row. She thinks hats make you look sexy and she’s gives you a free shirt every time you do something cool. It gets better; she loves video games, can’t get enough of them. Don’t even get me started on how many DVDs she wants you to watch.

By the time you leave her to go home for the holidays, you’re friends from home say she’s changed you. But half of them have started dating a girl too and they’re a bit different themselves. Each of your friends think that they’re girl is the greatest and you all trade stories, one-upping each other the whole time you’re home.

The whole time you’re together, you know it won’t last forever. You see things coming to an end, but when the breakup finally happens it crushes you. You had a good run, four, maybe five years. But she grabbed your heart from the time you saw her at the bar a while before you started dating.

Some of your friends will chase after her older sister and date for a year or two, but it’s never the same and the time you spent with her you’ll remember forever. She’ll still let you visit on weekends every year or so for a little fling, but as you get older, she takes more and more out of you until you can’t bare to visit anymore.

It takes a while to get over her for most guys. The deeper you were in love, the longer it takes to move on. Me? I thought I would chase her forever and sometimes I think about her older sister. I’m getting better now. I’m not as consumed with her as I used to be, but then again, it’s the summer and we usually took some time apart then. It always gets worse once fall comes around. Leaves start to change colors and drop and you remember how she changed you when you dropped everything you were doing to be with her.

Was she one of the great ones? Of course. She was the great one. The one that taught you how to love, taught you how to live, taught you how to have fun. She introduced you to your mentors, many other girlfriends, your best friends and maybe even your wife.

-Jesse

It's about time....I may need a nickname because of it

I know I don't post as much or as often as JG, but thats just not me. I'm not a person who can follow a schedule for something like this. Money motivates me and thats about it, so until us meatballs get some lute, this will probably continue.

Now for some random thoughts...

The biggest sporting events of the weekend by far are the Championship games in the NFL. With that said, the bigger of those two would be the Steeler/Ravens game. This game is going to be the nastiest game of the century to this point. These two teams hate eachother. I've never put the pads on, but these guys did and they sum up this game better than I could. All I know is that it's going to be a really violent football game and I can't wait!

The amount of money airlines lose when their plane crashes and kills everyone on board is in the hundreds of millions. When this pilot landed safely in the Hudson River, he not only saved everyone on board, but he saved U.S Airlines hundreds of millions. That guy should walk into the U.S Airlines headquarters and say "I want 5 million dollars wired into my bank account, what are you going to do? Fire me?" That guy getting fired would be on headlines across the nation and on meatballs in the morning.

If you're going to Vegas before late March....

I don't know what was harder. Finding this article or believing that Brian Hartline was going pro. What a bum!

This was also hard to believe, but much easier to find the article.

Bradford, Williams, and Gresham don't go pro though? Someone is paying those kids to stay in school, I wasn't born yesterday. Plus, Bob Stoops is from Youngstown,Oh - one of the most corrupt cities in the country. Trust me, I know.

1-on-1 Tourney delayed, the people are sad

Due to snow conditions similar to that in the picture above, the inaugural 1-on-1 tourney has been delayed indefinitely. We barely were out of the parking lot after about an hour on the road and only two participants made it at all. Keeps your eyes peeled to MITM for the reschedule date.

If you're curious about Lebron's new commercial, here's a report about who sponsored it. While we're on the topic, here are some pictures of the next commercial. Rumors as to what the ad is about have circulated around a dream that Bron Bron has imagining he is in the 'big game' playing for the Browns (a team that has never even been there) then wakes up and realizes that he's still a basketball player. Not sure what that has to do with insurance. Watch the game to find out.

California babygame Natalie Dylan is getting offers for close to $4 million for her virginity. She claims she'll have a OBGYN and lie detector confirm the fact AFTERWARD. That doesn't make any sense.

TO could be on the move, according to ESPN. Speaking of ESPN, here are some on-air hotties for the people.

The economy sucks, so what should you do? If you live in Ohio, get drunk, that's what. Also, in the buckeye state, sent from Brett, what a messed up relationship this is/will be.

Greatness.

-Jesse

2009 1-on-1 Basketball Tourney Bracket

(click to expand)

Each game is to 11, win by 2 and baskets are worth 1 and 2. Double elimination. Call your own foul and don't be gay about it. The inaugural event will be hosted on South Nelson Rd. in Columbus, OH on court #4. Tickets for the entire tournament are free and the only prize awarded will be to the winner of the whole thing. Drumroll please...The loser of game 15 will be a 3-time loser and therefore the worst player in America so he will have to buy the winner lunch. Vegas odds makers (Bobby Cans and Slevy) have the lines set for the opening round as follows.

Bryan -3 vs. Brett
Andy -2.5 vs. Jesse
Bo -2.5 vs. Jay
Tim -4.5 vs. Dave

-Jesse